I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to cum in my sink.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
