The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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