I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
