I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
