Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
