I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
