im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
