Buhtt sex?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
