I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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