we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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