turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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