I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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