Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
