Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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