i don't plan on having that self control this summer
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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