I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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