I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
