And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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