i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want her autograph on my taint
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
