I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
