Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
