I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
