Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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