Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
