It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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