I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
