You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
