and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
