dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
