U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize