I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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