just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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