I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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