good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
