she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
