Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
