I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
