what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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