Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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