We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I know her cup size but not her name....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
