So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
