question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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