he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
