I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
