i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
