New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
