So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
