You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
