Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
