alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
