I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
