Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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