I'm lost and stupid without you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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